A Lonely Burden!

According to the studies in For Women Only, a husband’s need to provide weighs him down more than one may think. However, it is a burden that most men say they want to take.

Having this need to provide can often seem confusing to us as a wife.  With this burden may be:

·         His need to work long hours,

·         His primary way to say I love you

·         How he identifies himself

·         His drive to succeed to make YOU proud of him.

There is also a fear of failure which can consume his thoughts.  I know I sometimes don’t get it, either.

You may be saying, “he works all of the time”.  I do believe there must be a balance.  I will always want and have a need for Tim to spend quality time with our family as well as the two of us.  I will always have a desire for us to have long talks and open communication. So it is very important that I communicate my desires, encourage him in the Lord and be supportive so that he does not feel trapped with this lonely burden.

The most important question and quite frankly a journey for me as a wife is How Can I Help Tim with this burden.

·      Become part of the Solution

Several men have stated that the best thing their mate can do is to show that she realizes how tight things are by refusing to spend money unnecessarily. We send mix messages when we tell our husband we want to spend more time with him, yet we tell him WE NEED MORE. Before spending, ask yourself, do we have the money for this purchase? Is it a need or want, will this put additional burden on my husband.

·      Encourage and Appreciate Him

Avoid words like “adjusting to”, “sacrificing for”, or “being willing to accept” as a way to let him know you support him.  Those words only make him feel like he is letting you down.

·   Just Say Thank you

Make a list of the things for which you can thank your provider husband.

Make a list of what you can do to be a part of the solution

·  Be faithful

Being faithful to your husband means more than honoring your marriage vows sexually.  When we lie, hide, sneak, or connive, we are not being faithful.  Does he feel we are being faithful if we are consistently at odds with him about money?

·  As the Manager of the Finances

Even if you are the record keeper and manager of the finances, it does not remove from him the burden he feels.  If he is already feeling insecure about providing, then he doesn’t need you to “ have all the answers.”

Proverbs 3:7

Don’t consider yourself to be wise;     

fear the Lord and turn away from evil

Trust in God and give him control in every area of your life, including your finances.

                    Proverbs 3:1-2

My son, don’t forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands; for they will bring you many days a full life, and well-being.

Ladies, I had to learn little words that seemed insignificant to me were added pressure on Tim.  Words such as, “one day”, “I want”, “we need”, “when we get” sent him the message that he needed to work more.  If you want to get real, ask your husband how you can take away his LONELIEST BURDEN!

For deeper study, pick up the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn