What do your wife and Microsoft have in common?

Sorry for the delay in getting this new posting.  The Breaux’s welcomed a new member to the family last week...no it was not us…Crystal’s sister had a baby.

Adapted from the book For Men Only

This chapter was the single most significant “ah ha” moment for me within this book; and arguably could be one of the most significant teachings to help me understand my bride and the workings of her amazing brain…so please gentlemen read on. 

OPEN WINDOWS

So how is your wife and Microsoft the same?  They both have Windows and pop-ups.  Let me explain what is going on inside your wife’s head right now at this moment.  Like your work computer, she has several “windows” open all at the same time.  Sometimes she can only minimize these windows and not really close them out.  In addition, if she closes one window another will take its place.  Not only does she have several windows open she also has spam that pops-up in her head that she really can’t control.  The windows represent her day-to-day life and all the emotions and “to-dos” and the spam is emotions and/or events from her past that she cannot control, and according to most women, she would if she could.

THERE’S LOTS GOIN’ ON IN THERE

I am starting to understand that Crystal tends to have many different thoughts and feelings all running at the same time.  This may explain why women jump topics in the middle of conversation.  There are so many of these windows, pop-ups and spam going off inside her head.  She is attempting to address them all…all at the same time.  Men, with the limited mental capacity we posses, we handle emotions and issues sequentially; we open a window, address it and close the window.  You must understand your wife does not.

INVASION OF THE POP-UPS

“Many woman surveyed stated they experience uninvited thoughts or feelings, from the present or the past, that pop-up and interrupt their day.”  These pop-ups may be unresolved emotional issues, hurts from a conversation, or concerns from last night, last month, or ten years ago.  You may say “she is getting historical” and “dwelling on the past” but we men have to understand that the “issue” is not closed.  And to your wife it is irrational behavior not to address the "issue", and she will return to the "issue" until the pop-up window is closed.  And trust me it will benefit you to help her close that pop-up so it goes away…all the way.

WHERE’S THE CLOSE BUTTON

As stated before women find it difficult to close off these windows.  In the survey results in For Men Only “4 out of 5 women stated that closing out their unwanted thoughts either required effort or was impossible.”  Let us be honest men we have no problem closing the window especially if we do not want to deal with the emotion.  Does this sound familiar your wife ends an argument with “FINE!” you shot back “FINE!” you both walk away.  You think, “Man am I glad that is over.”  Your wife thinks, “When do I need to bring this back up?”  “I hope we talk about this tomorrow when we have cooled down.”  “I can’t believe he end the argument this way the night before my big presentation. I will think about this all day.”…not wrong just different.  This may help you relate.  You just lost your biggest client on Thursday.  Your boss stops by your office on Friday afternoon and says he wants to talk to you first thing Monday morning.  What are you thinking about all weekend?

WHAT ARE WE TO DO

1. Remember she is not male and you are not female.  Therefore, you have to realize what she needs.  Allow and even encourage her to process the windows through talking them out and listening…don’t solve just listen.
2. Realize you may not be the issue, even though the issue affects you.  Ask if you are the problem and if you are take the steps towards closure.  And if you are not the problem listen…shut up Tim Breaux and simply LISTEN!!! (if any of you know me I really do have a problem).
3. Help her clear those distracting or painful windows so they don’t keep coming back…give her closure.  Ask yourself “What can I do to help?”  An easy example; Sunday mornings are very busy at the Breaux household.  I had to learn to ask Crystal “What can I do to help?”  This allowed Crystal the ability to close the windows that she would assign to me.  I am responsible for getting Zach dressed (of course, she does not let me pick the clothes), making sure Hannah & Zach’s teeth are brushed and that all study material is in the car.  Those items are now removed from her list.

Gentlemen, we must remember God made us different, not wrong, just different and that is what makes this thing we call marriage work...and you have to work at it.  So start to use the terminology around the house…”Baby (insert pet name here), what pop-ups or windows can I help you close today?”