The Performance of a Lifetime

Adapted from the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahan

Here is another secret your man may never reveal, despite their “in control” exterior, men can often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered. Really? I have to admit, this was hard for me to believe. I am married to a very confident man, and therefore did not always feel like I needed to give him words of encouragement. I believed in him and ASSUMED he did too.

But according to a study in For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhahan, three out of four men are insecure at times, but don’t want to show it.  To compensate for this insecurity, many men feel the need to work long hours and become exhausted by the need to look “on the ball” all of the time. Naturally, a man’s need to perform and do his best usually takes its greatest toll at the job. However, one man in the survey stated: “At least at work, I have an idea of how to succeed-work hard, get ahead, complete assignments and get in good with the boss.  At home, what is the measure of success?’

If that thought has never crossed your mind, ask your husband if he feels that way.  If so, what are we to do?

1. Affirm him with YOUR CONFIDENCE:

There are many things that Tim does for his job and our family.  I have complete confidence in him but have not always verbalized it to him. I need to let him know how much I believe in him and appreciate what he does.

2. Do not knock him when he is down, he is hard enough on himself.  My desire is for our home to be a safety net for Tim.  When he has had a hard day or feels as though he has failed, I do not need to add more pressure with criticism.

Proverbs 18:14 says,

A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?

Ladies, lets never forget the power we have to sustain our husband during hard times. Above all else, he wants to know you believe and trust in him.

3. Appreciate his vulnerability toward you.

We expect and desire our husband to do and be so many things. Yet we can often correct him if we think it is not just right. Does this sound familiar?

• We want him to be the spiritual leader of our house, yet we criticize the way he prays or spends time with God.
• We want him to be more romantic, yet when he is, it is not done the right way according to how we are feeling that day.
• We want him to handle the finances yet we do not totally trust his decisions and feel the need to correct.

      Proverbs 18:12 says

Before his downfall, a man’s heart is proud, but before honor comes humility.

Is your husband able to humble himself and admit he needs help and encouragement, without receiving criticism based on your personal fears or insecurity?

              

4.      Be his biggest cheerleader

I do not want anyone in this world encouraging or bragging on Tim more than I do. I have been so guilty of caring about what is on the outside such as how I look, how my house looks or the perfect home cooked meal that I miss opportunities to lift him up. He would rather come in to a positive and upbeat wife than a perfect house.  In “For Women Only, the men surveyed were quoted as saying,

“Men will receive admiration from other men in sports, and from other women, but what they want most is to receive it at home.”

Each day our husband feels like he is performing.  Do not  let a day go by, that he does not feel you believe in him.

Hebrews 3:13 says

But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.