“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)(NIV)…Yo Paul you got something easier!!!

I hope you all read last week’s blog by my lovely bride on submission and respect.  Men, sort of makes you poke out your chest and say “Yea WOMAN submit to me”…that is until you think about what Christ did for his bride the church.  Armed with that knowledge it made me take a step back and think “Hmmm, do I really want this job?”  As an immature newly married man I sure liked the idea of “wives submit to your husband.”  I often jokingly reminded Crystal of this passage (about the only one I knew) when we first got married.  Then I started to read past the part for Crystal and focused on what God called me to do.  If you want a great visual of “…love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”  pop in the DVD The Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson and let me know if you are man enough for that!!!  Specifically pay special attention to the flogging and ask yourself if helping around the kitchen, listening, sharing, picking up the kids (you fill in the blank) is really that bad.  Honestly I dodged this responsibility for the first 5 years of my marriage and I am still finding my way around Paul’s edict.  Although, time and study has given me a better grasp of what Christ is asking of me as the leader of my home. 

Loving my wife as Christ loved the church is daunting if you really think about ALL that Christ did for his church and for you.  Let us take a look at the rest of the story in Ephesians 5:26-28 (NIV)

²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

1.      “to make her holy” – Holy means to set apart, to sanctify and as a husband I am to set Crystal apart from everyone else…including Hannah & Zach (our children).  To make her special in the way that no other person is special to me.  What woman does not desire a love that places them at the center of that universe?  I don’t mean to imply that I worship Crystal in an obsessive unhealthy way but in a way that she knows nothing could come between the love we share.  This includes children, parents, (leave & cleave), hobbies and yes even my career.

2.      “present her to himself…” – The word “present” in the original Greek is paristemi which means “to place beside or near…to bring to, bring near (http://www.searchgodsword.org/).  Hampton Keathley IV in his study “Love Your Wife Sacrificially” said that “The purpose of love is the perfecting of the one loved.”  Isn’t that a part of unconditional love?  Isn’t that what Christ is doing to and for us?  Christ served me by hanging on a cross allowing me a place at the banquet table.  I am to present my bide “as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but HOLY (there is that word again) and blameless” because “love is the perfecting of the one loved.”  I see this passage as my duty to build Crystal up, to honor her with my words, to do all I can to help her be the best in Christ she can be.  Placing my wife underneath me (door mat) is not biblical; it is not the word picture I get from Ephesians 5:25-28.  

3.      “…love their wives as their own bodies.” –In Genesis 2:24 our example of the first marriage is to “…become one flesh.”  with our wives.  If we are one flesh than how can a man harm is own body?  Or I guess the better question is why?  When you place your wife beneath you or criticize, ignore, manipulate, dishonor, etc you are doing that unto yourself.  Don’t most of us want the best for ourselves whether that is physically, financially, emotionally, or through hobbies, work, relationships, etc?  We desire what is best for our own “bodies”…well according to God’s plan what we desire for us means we also desire that for our wives.

To quote the great theologian, Uncle Ben in Spider Man "With great power there must come great responsibility” Christ left us His great power, the Holy Spirit, and our great responsibility is to “…love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”  Submission sure brings on a whole new meaning when you find out that husbands are commanded to be submissive to Christ.  Crystal submits to this broken down sinner of a man (Tim Breaux) and I have to submit to perfection (Christ)…I want to trade!

I am not a Door Mat

Respect and Submit!  If I do, I will be a doormat. Have you ever felt that way?

As an independent woman, I never felt I needed a man for approval (even in my younger years, thanks to mom and dad). However, as a young married woman, I did think I could do my thing and he could his and we would always be happy.  That is not what the Bible says.

I am happy to say that I am still a self sufficient woman. I have been given an amazing opportunity in a leadership position within my career, but there is no doubt that Tim is the leader of our household, but I definitely do not feel I am a doormat.

Let’s break down these two powerful words that we say in our vows.  Here is what they have come to mean to me.

1. Submit

The Bible says in Eph. 5:22 that we, as wives, are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord.  What does that mean?  Well, when I submit to Tim, I should not be looking at Tim’s face, but looking at the face of Jesus. Do you want to give back to God? Do you have a desire to serve him with all of your heart?  How you submit to the Lord, is how you submit to your husband.

God has given husbands the awesome responsibility of loving us as Christ loved the church.  He is to give of himself and love us unconditionally as Christ did. What an amazing sacrifice commanded by God to my husband.  I know what you may be saying, Well, my husband definitely does not do that.  I have yet to find any place in the Bible that says, wives submit to your husband

·         When he does…….

·         If he will…….

·         Only when he…….

God says do it unto Him.  I am so thankful God does not say to me, I will love and forgive you

·         When you do…….

·         If you will…….

·         Only when you…..

If you think your husband does not love you like Christ loved the church or it is a partnership without a leader, answer the question by Emerson Eggerich in the book Love and Respect.  If someone broke into your house tonight, who would take charge to protect your family?  I think we all know the answer. I do not know about you, ladies, but that is not a responsibility I desire to have. Now, I am not saying God is calling us to be submissive if it means going against God’s word.  If your husband is asking you to commit sinful acts, that is not being submissive under God. But a good willed husband may not do “everything” you think he should do, but he would give his life for you in a heartbeat?

          2. Respect

In reading Eph 5:33 God commands husbands to love, but he commands wives to respect. I believe God gave that command to wives because he created men with a genuine need to feel respected. Yes, as women we do need to feel respected, but they need it in a different way. We can hug and kiss our husbands; we can send cards; we can make cookies and shower with them with gifts, but none of that matters if we are not giving them the respect they so desire. As the leader of the house, we need to TELL him that we appreciate and respect (don’t use the word love) his hard work each day (even if you contribute financially).  We need to honor his requests and wishes even if we may think it is not important.  I can not tell Tim that I love him and hide shopping bags so he does not know now much I spent. Disrespectful!

I can’t laugh at him and say I love you yet continue to leave the door open upstairs after he asked me over and over to keep shut to save electricity. Disrespectful!  Being mindful of his request to keep the door closed, even when he is not home, means more to him than a great big hug and kiss.

What I have learned is that respect can look so different for different men.  If you want to meet your husband’s deepest need, try every now and then to replace the words, “I love you” with “I Respect You.” ‘What can I do to show you respect?”  You may be surprised of the answer.

You may also see a submission in him that you have never seen (not that it should be done for that reason :0) ) and realize that submit and respect does not mean you are a doormat.


Crystal

DARE to SHARE to show you CARE...(that is one bad title!!!)

My daughter Hannah (who is in fact female hence the moniker “daughter”) is not the greatest conversationalist when it comes to talking on the phone.  My friends with teenage daughters tell me this will change drastically in several years.  But for now Hannah’s conversations usually sound like this:

MawMaw Breaux - “Hey Hannah how was your day?”
Hannah - “Good”
MawMaw Breaux –“What was good about it?”
Hannah – “Everything”
MawMaw Breaux – “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”
Hannah – “Okay. I love you, bye.”

And off to play with her brother as she hands the phone to me or Crystal.  Gentlemen how many times have we had this same conversation with our wives?  How many times have I answered the questions in the least amount of the English language I could muster…many!  Our wives are not looking for the minutest details of our day, although some may desire just that, what our wives are seeking is a connection not a conversation.  The conversation is simply the means in which they will connect.  So I have three points of advice when it comes to the inevitable “talks” we must have with our wives.

1.  Dare – If you dare to invest in this language of love that is spoken by females the dividends will pay off in so many areas of your life…and yes that includes your sex life.  No, the sole reason to have conversations with our wives is not for the action we will get later.  But the reality is that your wife is more receptive and open when you are speaking (figuratively and literally) her language. 

I would venture a guess that 100% of the men I know would die for their wives and would take a good ol’ fashion beat down to step up and defend the honor of their bride.  But ask those same men to sit for 15 minutes and have conversation with their wives about their day and they start to contemplate that death and a beat down really isn’t so bad.  I got this advice from Dr. Emerson Eggrest in his best selling program “Love & Respect”.  If you and your wife designate 15 minutes a day for her to share (and you share back) that will sow the seeds of connection for your wife.  Let her know that you are not able to handle all the juicy details that is something she can save for her friends.  This 15 minute investment in your wife daily will bind a connection that nothing can tear apart.

2.  Share – It has been said that communication is a two way street.  And if you desire to do this right you will need to share with your wife things that matter to you which in turn will matter to her.  I totally understand the argument “I have lived my day once why would I want to relive it when I get home?”  But that is part of this two way street.  Most wives do not want to know every detail they just want you to SHARE a part of your life, a part of who you are as a man, and a large part of that is our need to provide for our family.  Our wives want to share in that part of our life that makes us man.  Don’t forget that your wife has a life too.  Whether she is working full time outside or inside the home she desires to share with you her day.  Simply ask her “How was your day?” this gives her a sense of importance, a sense that you care about who she is and what she does. 

3.  Care  - The bottom line is gentlemen Christ CARED enough to die for your sins (Oh I know he did not break out the God card…Oh I did!!!).  I have said this many times in our Couples Class it is easy to die for our wives when an intruder is coming into our homes, I dare to say what true man would not.  But it is very difficult to die of ourselves and DARE to do what is needed for our wives to be the wife God desires her to be.  In future post we will discuss the book The Love Languages and in that book Gary Chapman discusses “filling the love tank”.  If you are not care enough to share with your wife then that tank will never be full.  And if that tank is never full or even close to being full then she will never be fulfilled.  But if you CARE enough about the spiritual, emotional, and physical well being of your wife you will share.

God bless you brothers may you DARE to SHARE to show you CARE…and yes I know that this last line is so corny!!!

What is A Godly Marriage blog and who are Tim & Crystal Breaux?

Welcome to the blog A Godly Marriage. Our vision for this blog is to help equip you with wisdom and encouragement to have a loving relationship with your spouse (or future spouse), a loving relationship God desires for all marriages.

With the A Godly Marriage blog, we are hoping you will find a way to seek God’s love from within you and have that love rain down on your spouse.  Our desire is to walk with you through this adventure we call marriage.  We are not “the perfect couple” nor do we ever pretend to have all the answers we simply want to share with you what we have learn after 15 years of marriage, 9 years of teaching over 40 different studies about marriage and relationships from a Christian view point. 

Hi, I am Tim and will be playing the role of husband.  I am about as ordinary a man as one can get…height normal, shirt size normal, pant size normal, shoe size normal…heck my favorite ice cream is vanilla!  What might not be so “normal” by the world’s standards is my desire to love my wife as Paul instructs in Ephesians 5:25-33, I love the version in The Message…

^25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

 ^29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband

…that is good stuff right there…and hard!!  Am I where I want to be on this Ephesians 5 journey, oh no, but I work at it every good and not so good day.  I am the proud father of Hannah & Zach and my main goal in life is to be as good a husband and father as I can to the three most important people in my life. 

I am making a living as an Instructional Designer (fancy name for I teach on the Internet) with a large hospital system.  I have been a Registered Nurse for 16 years and love serving people both well and sick.  Crystal and I love teaching a Couple’s Class at Christ Community Church.  I look forward to hearing from you and I really hope to move you to love more through this blog.

Hi, I am Crystal and by no means a marriage expert.  I am a wife and mother who desires to be THE WIFE AND MOTHER God created me to be.  The more I learn, the more I realize I need to learn.  Two things that I have come to know:

• You can not assume you have a perfect marriage and do not need to water it
• Without Christ as the center of your marriage and a personal relationship with him, you will never have the marriage God intended you to have.

As a wife, I believe we are to respect and submit (it is really not a dirty word)to our husbands (Ephesians 5:33) as unto the Lord, not just our husband.  God has called us to love him as He loved us.  My prayer is Proverbs 31:28

Her children arise and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.

I want to conduct myself each day in a manner that gives Tim reason to praise his wife regardless of what may be praiseworthy by the world’s standards. My job is to build him and support him in the awesome responsibility God has given him as the leader of our family.

When I am not working as a wife and mother, I work as the General Manager for a hospital based Wellness center; I teach group fitness classes and I am a personal Wellness Coach.  I have enjoyed the past 9 years being a part of a marriage ministry and teach Couples classes at Christ Community Church. I love seeing what God is doing in so many marriages and families and hearing the many blessings God is pouring out.  I look forward to hear from you.

We hope you will join us for a wonderful adventure but most of all we hope you will join God on the adventure of marriage (or future marriage) HE desires. 

In Christ,

Tim & Crystal Breaux