Sex Unlocks a Man’s Emotions (Guess Who Holds the Key?)

I have to begin by saying, like most women, I am not comfortable talking about this topic in a public setting. It does not come easy for me. With that being said, I also know that it is a subject that needs to be discussed and not taken lightly. I am concerned when I hear women joke about sex and their husband because they never know or understand how deeply it affects them, not just physically but emotionally. Remember, I am speaking to the ladies. Tim will hit this subject in a couple of weeks with the guys.

What we, ladies have to remember is…

“Our sexual desire for our husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life”. (Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only)

Believe it or not, sex is not just physical, but fills a powerful emotional need in most men

Think of it like this. “A lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him as, say, his sudden silence would be to you, were he simply to stop communicating to you.”  How would you feel if every time you asked him to spend some time with you just to talk, he rolled his eyes and disregarded your request? It may seem silly, but remember it is a need that we don’t understand and a need that GOD created him to have different from us.  And while, it may seem inappropriate at times that he desires intimacy such as during a difficult loss, argument or stressful situations, remember it is his way to fill an EMOTIONAL need not just physical. So why is it so important?

·  Fulfilling Sex gives him Confidence

Believe it or not, YOU have the power to build confidence in him in every area of his life. What happens in the bedroom really does affect how he feels the next day about himself and at work.  Have you ever notices his disposition after you have shared intimacy? Was he energetic, spring in his step, the same, gloomy, cheerful to the point of being silly?

·  Fulfilling Sex makes him feel Loved and Desired

I love this quote from a man surveyed in For Women Only,

“I wish my wife understood that making a priority of meeting my intimacy needs is the loudest and clearest way she can say, you are more important to me that anything else in the world.  It is a form of communication that speaks more forcefully, with less room for misinterpretation, than any other”.

We can get so caught up in our “To Do List” of things to show him how much we love him like cleaning the house, cooking, making sure he has nice clean clothes and always looks nice, that we totally miss out on the one thing he wants us to make a priority for him. WE think we know that it is important that we don’t realize the consequences of our responses and view his desire for sex more as a physical desire and an insensitive demand.

Every man wants to fill loved and desired as in Song of Solomon 3:1-4.  I encourage you to read this passage that describes the passion and desire she had for her beloved. This amazing book in the Bible shares the beautiful story of a Godly, passionate romance.

·  Unfulfilling Sex can Wound his heart.

When we say we don’t want to, or act as if it is a sense of duty, it sends a message that we are rejecting him.  It can cause resentment and hurt that can result into anger.

So my question to you today is….

What is the overriding message your husband has received from you so far?

Is that you are a busy lady and your home and job are more important to you; is it, I am available if you want to, but not particularly interested; or is it I love and desire you and nothing will keep me from you?

To ensure we are sending the right message to our husband and to close the sex gap between husbands and wives, we as women need to make a conscious effort to

·  Choose to love him in the way he needs

Remember you are affecting him emotionally, his

heart, not just physically.

·  Talk to him and ASK him what he needs

I know that is scary, but we have to talk about sex to avoid the misunderstandings, anger and resentment that can build up. Make sure he knows that you may be tired at times and it is not HIM that you are rejecting.  Share with him things he may be able to do to relieve some of your stress that gives you more energy for him.

·  Get involved…and have more fun, too

Make the first move every now and then, spice it
up occasionally.

·  Make sex a priority

Are the needs you meet for your husband the needs he wants met?

Are the many other things that take our time and energy truly as important as this one?

Col 3:12

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.