It's Not a Competition

To Stay in Love, we have to come to the understanding that our relationship is not a competition with our spouse.  Becoming competitive with our spouse is not something we set out to do; it can just evolve without realizing it. How can we avoid treating our spouse like an opponent instead of a team player?

1.  Give 100%

We have all been told that marriage is a 50/50 relationship. It is important to communicate with each other what responsibilities can be divided within a household so that anger and resentment do not slip in to the relationship. However, we can not allow that to become a demanded expectation. Should I continue to stuff more in the trash can without taking it out myself because that is “Tim’s job”, or should I acknowledge that he is working late that evening and will be exhausted when he gets home. In team sports, I do not remember my coach telling me to give 50% because my team mates would give the rest. We are to give 100% and do it as in Philippians 2:14.

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure.”

2.  Publicly Praise

Remember when you were dating and you made your friends sick with all of the great and wonderful things about your spouse. Now we feel the need to correct in public, tell what “we do” to give more to the relationship or better yet, one up them. We can tell the story better, we are more “spiritual” and we definitely do not have the same struggles. To keep your mate falling in love with you over and over, talk about him/her in public with that same excitement that you had when you first dated.

3. Treat him/her as the most important person in the world

Yes, no one is more important than another in God’s eyes. I love Andy Stanley’s response is the book Staying in Love.

Imagine what it would be like if you were in the presence of the President of the United States, famous actor or singer. Would you interrupt to correct them if they were telling a story wrong; would you give up your seat for them if there was no place to sit; and you would most likely let them know how much you admire their work.  Philippians 2:7 says that Jesus made himself humble, taking the very nature of a servant. If Jesus humbled himself to serve me, why can’t I humble myself to serve Tim?

4.  Put his/her interest first

We all did some crazy things when we first dated our spouse.  If he liked to fish, you loved it.  If she liked to work out, you loved it. Then something happens over time and we realize we do not have to do the things that interest our spouse any longer. Philippians 2:4 says we should look to the interests of others (that means our spouse too).

So what happens if we give 100%, publicly praise our spouse and treat them and their interest more important, but they do not recipicate?  Well, that is their problem and between them and God.  We are really doing it unto Jesus anyway.

Adapted from Andy Stanley’s study “Staying In Love”