Keeper of the Visual Rolodex

Adapted from the Book For Women Only

Keeper of the Visual Rolodex.  Isn’t that an interesting name for chapter 6 in the book For Women Only?  To put it bluntly, it is natural for men to look at other women,  and believe it or not, it is hard for them to forget…thus becoming like a rolodex of images in his mind..

I know it is hard to hear, but here is the light bulb in this very interesting chapter. “Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women-and, at the same time, a man needs his wife to be willing to make the effort to take care of herself for him.”

If this is a shock, can you believe even Job, a noble man of God, knew this was a struggle. He understood the magnitude of this temptation and knew it had to be addressed.

He states in Job 1:8

“I made a covenant with my eyes, not to look lustfully at a girl.”

Even if your husband is the finest man in all the earth it may be a struggle not to look. Even if there is no eye candy, he has a “mental Rolodex” of stored images that can intrude into his thoughts without warning or can be called up at will”.  Kind of like that chocolate ice cream we know is in the back of the freezer.

So this may be scary to many of us out there to think that our men are constantly gawking and thinking about other women.  This revelation is meant to change us as women and help us to understand they have this temptation, but it is what he does with that temptation.  For every man, sensual images and thoughts arrive involuntarily.  It is not only unintentional, but automatic, however, he can choose to “take every thought captive” and dwell on them or dismiss them just as Job.

Once we accept men have different struggles than we do, we can change our attitude and remember these key points.

         

·  Every Man is Different

Every man experiences different levels of visual temptation whether it is involuntary or easy to handle sexy advertisement, yet other may struggle with it for days.

·  It’s Not Because of You

It is not because of how you look, what you have done or not done, or because of lack of love for you.

·  This Doesn’t Impact His Feelings for You

We can also play an active role

·  Pray for him

   Ask God to protect him and your heart so that you do not have feelings of anger or hopelessness, but feelings of encouragement.

·  Support Him

Notice and appreciate your husband’s efforts to honor you. Thank him for turning his eye and changing the TV when inappropriate. Think about what you are watching or magazines you are leaving out that may be a temptation for him.

·  Recognize the common factors that make it harder for a man to stay pure in his thoughts.

Help him to not enter the HALT phase. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  If a man is working long hours, is out of sorts with the world, feels unappreciated, feels like a failure as a provider, or is far from home, any or all of those things could weaken his resolve.  If you have ever found yourself eating the entire box of cookies when you feel unhappy, you can understand this dynamic.

·  Determine your involvement

   It is a very sensitive subject, but ask him what you can do to help but don’t be a police. He needs  to find a male friend to hold him  accountable, not his wife.

·  Put effort into your own appearance

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely high on your husband’s priority list, yet, the chance that he will ever expressed this to you is extremely low.  How scary would it be for him to tell you that? 

         

And now ladies, I can not end without addressing the biggest role we have in this temptation.  We need to champion modesty in our self.  I know you will say that some women know what they are doing, but I think that most women are totally clueless about this problem. Not being aware of the magnitude of this temptation, women can thoughtlessly contribute to it.

What you may think is “cute”  may not be the thoughts and words that come to the mind of another man.  Your effort to be modest in your appearance is important to the mental Rolodex of someone else’s husband. 

The knowledge of this temptation is very powerful and mostly likely not something your husband will want to discuss.  So take this information, learn from it and pray about what you can do instead of becoming angry and insecure with this information.  Remember, we have different temptations and we are placed together by God to lift up in prayer.